Where to get a sneaky beer when you're supposed to be in the office

Where is the worst place you can possibly be at 4pm on a weekday in the middle of summer? Your office of course. Let’s face it, it’s December, so no one is doing work anyway – we’re all shopping online for Christmas presents and envisioning the moment we can make our escape and guzzle down a beer. But getting out early requires secret plotting, devious subterfuge and complicated planning – and a fearless attitude towards the potential wrath of your boss. Here’s how to get out of the confines of your office and score yourself at least an extra hour of time (two if you’re game) to spend at a bar with no one asking, ‘Hey, where did *insert name* go?’ Option 1: Carefully arrange a few personal belongings (jacket, water bottle, an old wallet) on your desk, then wander off to the bathroom with anything you actually need stuffed under your shirt – everyone will think you’re still there while you’ve actually snuck out the fire escape. Option 2: The late afternoon ‘doctor’s appointment. This requires a loud fake phone call with a fake doctor whose only available booking is 3pm – and obviously you’ll do your best to get back to the office before 5pm. Not. Once you’ve mastered your escape plan, here’s where to spend those extra precious hours of summer.

The Flying Cock | Fortitude Valley

Cold beer on tap, hot chicken on the menu – and no incoming emails chiming every 5 seconds. Turn off push notifications and revel in your successful escape as you knock back a frothy one, then order up a box of popcorn chicken and crispy fried drumsticks to snack on while you plan your next escape – or just hide out at the bar until December is over, and take in their epic NYE party while you’re there.

The Fox Hotel | South Brisbane

If you’re worried about someone from the office spotting you and ruining any future escape routes, just head to The Fox Hotel, where there’s multiple bars – and multiple places to hide. Before they can even recognize you, you’ll have to hotfooted it up to Dandy’s Rooftop or inside to the Atrium, mango Weis bar cocktail in hand. And don’t worry – just like Santa, the waitstaff will know where to bring your order of salt and pepper calamari.

Red Hook | CBD

Hidden down the laneway at Red Hook, no one casually wandering past will spot you downing a beer instead of working on those accounts – or inhaling a few deep fried pickles and mac ‘n’ cheese balls. With Stone & Wood and 4 Pines on tap, not to mention a few American brews on the list, you might just want to start planning how to ditch the office every day of the week. Good luck escape artists! Words by Ranyhyn Akui