What your favourite fries say about you | Gourmand and Gourmet

What your favourite fries say about you

Fries, chips, frites, whatever you call them, fries have come a long way since they were invented in 1781 (in Belgium, strangely enough). Not just limited to simple fried sticks of potatoes anymore, there’s a chip for everyone and everything. What does your order say about you? Read on to find out. Shoestring Your fries come alongside a burger stacked with simple meat, tomato, cheese lettuce and ketchup on a sesame seed bun, none of this brioche sh*#. You like life to be clear cut and unambiguous and are confused by the fact that your meal arrived on a cutting board. And why everything tastes like bacon and hipsters. Thick cut You’re the person every one likes, maybe a little bit old fashioned at times, but only in the most endearing way possible. You’ve bought a few baskets of fries for the whole group (because you’re never alone) and don’t even care that you only got to eat a couple. No wasabi mayo on the side for you, just chips the way chips were meant to be. Potato, oil, salt, tomato sauce. Boom. Curly fries You also love those potato tornados on a stick and start shrieking every time you see them on a menu or at the markets. People think you’re a bit kooky, a perception only confirmed by the fact that you’ll happily eat deep-fried potato for breakfast. But at least with your mouth full you have to take a break from speed talking about just how AWESOME everything is. You probably also have curly hair. Coincidence? We think not. Onion rings Chips bore you, as do many things in life. You’re only truly happy when you’re roaming some South East Asian country with a backpack in tow, talking about roaming some south East Asian country, or writing your latest blog post on your trip to some South East Asian country. Which is about the only use you get out of your creative writing degree while you work double shifts as a barista to fund your next trip. Wedges Straight chips just aren’t enough potato for your carb-loving appetite. You’re probably still rocking your hangover from the night before and need to do some stomach lining for the night ahead, party animal that you are. Pair ‘em with a heaping pile of sour cream and a cold beer and you’re one happy chappy. Who needs a burger anyway? And more importantly, who’s got the next round?  Sweet potato fries You live in Lorna Jane for 75% of your life (you’re probably wearing it right now) and normally wouldn’t be eating fries at all but hey, after that two hours of yoga you did this morning you deserve a treat. It’s not like you’re going to eat them all anyway. Besides, if you don’t get some carbs with your vegan lentil burger wrapped in lettuce, you might just pass out later. Polenta chips You’re the person who bases their order on what is the most photogenic. You won’t order a drink unless it comes in a mason jar and think the demise of the plate is the best thing that ever happened to the food scene. The waitperson might be shooting you evil looks because you sent the chips back the first time saying they were ‘sloppy looking’, but who cares, because your photo of those badboys is going to go #viral on Instagram Loaded fries You embrace life and everything it throws at you, including the sauce you’re about spill down you’re front. You’ve never stop to count calories before and you’re not going to start, especially not when faced with a pile chips coated in chilli, sour cream and guac. Screw the burger, you’re getting extra cheese and bacon. Those crispy bits at the bottom You find joy in the little things – like the ear-shattering crunch of that golden crumb you dug out from the bottom of the chip basket. Food is the centre of your world and your motto is ‘live to eat.’ Eyes always being bigger than your stomach, the table is piled with arrancini, wings and a few sliders as well, but you and your two besties (the only peeps who’ve ever managed to make it to your selective inner circle) will make good work of it. Disclaimer: No scientific evidence whatsoever went in to the writing of this article. Words by Ranyhyn Akui (lover of the crispy bits at the bottom)