What Your Drink Order Says About You
We don’t like to talk stereotypes but let’s be honest kids, they exist for a reason. After many years of studying humankind, and our drinking habits, we’ve decided that you’re not what you eat – it’s what you drink.
You’ve got grand plans to open a brewery ‘one day’, but that’s not until your girlfriend’s Instagram career REALLY takes off. Your French Bulldog, M Night Shymalan is never far from your side and your jeans are just the right kind of ripped.
You’re outdoorsy in that you like drinking in the sun and you’ve definitely spent too many hours on Caxton Street. You bleed Maroon and you’ve shrieked QUEENSLANDER at least once on a big night out. You really love ya mum and your Tinder bio says something about sportsball.
You probably tried to sneak cigarettes from your Grandma when you were 12 and you might have had your first kiss outside GoMA. You definitely overanalysed it for weeks. You wear Gorman even though you can’t afford it and consider yourself as arty because you sometimes watch films with subtitles.
You spend on average four nights a week in bars and you consider anything less than 2 standard drinks a night ‘alcohol free’. You like to live a mysteriously lavish lifestyle, and because you’re sly as hell you get away with it. You’re the life of the party but always maintain your cool, even when you’re six drinks deep.
Your best friends name is Tiffany and she is just being THE WORST at the moment, but you’re still above all those basic girls drinking vodka cranberries so who cares right? You’re constantly buzzing from the caffeine and it’s hard to get a word in edgeways.
Are those crystals Swarovski baby because you’re sparkling in just the right way! Anyone who offers you prosecco better watch themselves because you’re a high-class individual. Break out the bubbles darling, we’ve got a 5pm flight and you’re not paying.
You’ve outgrown alco-pops but still really don’t like the taste of hard liquor. You claim you’re drinking it for hydration purposes, but we really know it’s that low-calorie taste that you crave.
You’re on your 4th bender of the month and if you were to stop drinking the accumulative hangover might kill you. Vodka is a food group and you’ll slap down anyone who tells you otherwise. Salty is an understatement, just add extra Tabasco okay?
Buddy, you just want to watch the whole world burn.
No matter your beverage of choice, we still love you. Just remember to eat beforehand!