What your coffee says about you

  • Food & Booze
What Your coffee says about you. You wakeup with a start. The clock says 8am. You should have left by now. Panic sets in. You manage to set a record for getting out the door. Your desperate need isn’t to get to work on time, because let’s face it, you’re already late! It’s so you can get your hands on a coffee. What you order speaks volumes about how you’ll negotiate the rest of your day.

You order: A double-shot latte

On a normal day when you get to luxuriate with some brekky and the paper, it would have been a piccolo, but you don’t have time to waste and need two coffees: now. A bit of a coffee nut, you know what you like and have your favourite pours on speed dial. Life is there to be had, things need to get done, people need to be met, lists need to be ticked off. You breeze into your workplace confidently late, with your two shots of bliss ready to score goals. Go you!

You order: A cappuccino

That sweet little bit of chocolate sprinkle and froth makes you feel nurtured, it’s an emotional thing. A cappuccino is the first coffee you ever tasted and it is like a cup of warm hand holding, helping you feel safe and in control. You don’t care that your workmates rib you about it, you operate from your heart. You don’t care that you pronounce it “cuppacino” and if you order a large; “muggacino.” Coffee facades of hipster cool don’t interest you in the slightest, you’re not a trendsetter, as a matter of fact most of your wardrobe contains polyester. You are consistently voted most reliable by your peers and manage to run through the door chocolate sprinkles intact, on time and ready to contribute.

You order: A long black with hot milk on the side

You’d actually prefer an instant coffee and normally make your own. All this coffee nonsense does your head in. You just want a beverage with kick, and damn it you want it hot! It’s taken a lot of trial and error and incessant complaining to work out this perfect solution. Sometimes they still get it wrong and top up your takeaway with cold milk leaving no other choice but to zap it hot at work. Finding solutions to meet with your OCD expectations is a daily task de rigeur. Some would see it as a negative but your tenacity in your obsession is awkwardly endearing. Just watch your lip on the milk skin!

You order: A bowl of skinny flat white

The biggest coffee on offer in any establishment is the one for you as long as there is no fat in your vat. Strong doesn’t interest you, it’s of no consequence if the coffee goes cold, as long as you don’t have to flag down the waitress and order more, or run out at work. My guess is you also buy pens by the box, undies in packs of five, and four year gym memberships. You rather have, and deal, with imperfect than wait for perfect. You will go far.

You order: A mocha

You secretly belong to sugarholics anonymous. Sometimes there’s also a hazelnut syrup add on to your order. The last row of a stash of Cadbury’s Fruit and Nut gets devoured as soon as you walk into the office. A desserty number is desperately needed after lunch; did you hear someone mention cronuts? Your days are filled with ways and means to access a sugar fix, and consequently no real work gets done. Your colleagues are feeling a little frustrated. We think it’s time to apply for a week of leave and book yourself into a health retreat for serious doses of green smoothies and buckwheat flour. You order: A doppio macchiato One word: uptight. Do yourself a favour and order a muggacino. nims xx