The 5 types of people you’ll meet at the buffet | Gourmand and Gourmet

The 5 types of people you’ll meet at the buffet

  • Food & Booze
The year is drawing to a close and the resolutions are starting to kick in, but before the 1st of January there’s still time to beat your fitness fad to the punch and indulge in a little no reservations type dining – the buffet. We’re talking carb-io instead of cadio, when the only limits being pushed are the ones where you discover how much pasta you can eat before you can’t physically move. Because running a marathon has nothing on tucking into 18 courses of potato skins before you hit the dessert bar. They didn’t call it “all you can be satisfied with and happily walk back to your car without rolling sideways” for a reason. Whether you think the salad bar should be called the ‘DIY nachos bar’ or you’ve never met a pasta sauce you didn’t like – we’re dishing up who’s who at the buffet. The stacker You’re the one who takes a buffet more seriously than walking into a casino, and you make it your personal mission to beat the house. You’ve parted with your 29 bucks and by god, you’re going to get your money’s worth. You’ve scoped out the best buffets in Brisbane, and Sizzler is child’s play in your eyes. You’re familiar with stacking your plate higher than a croquembouche because who has time to make ten trips back and forth to the food when there’s eating to be done? The salad dodgers  The thought of heading to a buffet already has you in a meat sweat of excitement. You’ve had your pasta game plan sorted since you left the house and take your carbohydrate section of the dietary triangle more seriously than you take your relationships. Getting to the buffet is like a high intensity episode of House of Carbs, and the only thing you’re going near at the salad bar is a crouton. And maybe some cheese. The one dish wonders  You’re the person eating a small plate of cherry tomatoes with a side of that fancy sounding ‘roast pumpkin, chorizo and sunflower seed salad’ and the only thing you’re going back for is soft serve. You’re the im-pasta of the buffet world, lured into an all-you-can-eat situation with buffet eager friends so you can unwillingly eat $3.15 worth of food. You’re the type making it financially feasible for the rest of us to eat ourselves stupid while no buffet goes broke in the process. Thanks for evening out the economics for us – our food babies are forever in your debt. The avid eater You’re the one wrapping jellybeans up in your napkin and saving them for later. You’ve hatched a totally unambiguous plan to eat until you’re sick and then eat some more and your weapon of choice is stretchy pants, because when it comes to buffets, skinny jeans are out and elasticated comfort is in. You’re no stranger to the term ‘food seduction’ because nothing turns you on like a platter of pasta and all the garlic bread your heart desires and everyone knows you at the local buffet because, let’s face it, you’re kind of a big meal. The desserters Two plates. Two plates at the savoury buffet is your limit, because you’ve got your eyes on the real prize: the dessert station. You hate the fact that they make the dessert bowls so small because it means you have to go back for seconds – 22 times. You’ve never met an apple crumble you didn’t like but have been known leave a half eaten macaron behind. If  you’re going to sample everything, you have to make sacrifices sometimes. Can we all just admit that human behaviour doesn’t get any weirder than at the buffet, and move on with our lives? The true beauty of the beast is that regardless of your buffet style – there’s a little something for everyone. Words by Lucille Burkitt