How to Trick Your Friends into Thinking you can Cook | Gourmand and Gourmet

How to trick your friends into thinking you can cook

  • Food & Booze
  • Brisbane
  • Dinner
  • Lunch
  • Vegetarian

We’ve all been there.

You’ve insisted a bunch of friends come around, feeling confident in your culinary abilities – and let’s be honest, there may have been wine involved. The day rolls around and you break out in a cold sweat – you’ve just remembered you can’t cook. Luckily for you, we’ve been in this predicament before and we have a few tricks up our sleeve.

Ladies and gents, how to fool your friends and manipulate people.

FRESH FAMILY PIE | ZONE FRESH | WINDSOR

Nothing screams Suzie Homemaker quite like a freshly baked pie coming out of the oven, piping hot and filled with love. You know what doesn’t impress people? Soggy bases, burnt edges and weird lumps of mystery veg. Fling the pie pan out the window and get yourself a ready-made beauty from Zone Fresh. Pick from lamb and vegetable, Thai chicken, and beef and burgundy. Stick it in the oven before the guests arrive and leave it in just slightly too long – they’ll know for sure if it’s perfect.

TAKEAWAY SALADS | BOTANICA + HOMESLICE | VARIOUS LOCATIONS

Trying out a new image as a woke, earth mother who totally gets that healthy, nutritious food can also be delicious? Staring at your bowl of limp lettuce and pumpkin seeds, panicking that it won’t even touch the sides of your guests? Fret no more, pet, the good lord invented chefs for a reason, and the teams from Botanica and Homeslice are experts at dreaming up salads that don’t just taste amazing, they’re also almost too pretty to eat. Grab a couple of family boxes and burn the evidence.

CHEESE BOARD | SAY CHEESE | DELIVERY

Crafting the perfect cheese spread looks easy, but whenever we attempt it ourselves it just looks like a stock image exploded on a board. Take the hard work out of selecting the right ratio of hard to soft cheese and let the crackers fall as they will – the lovely ladies from Say Cheese have got your back, and they’ll even deliver.

TAKEAWAY CURRY | PUNJABI PALACE | WEST END

Indian food. It’s delicious but it doesn’t seem to matter how many spices we buy, and how long we spend sweating over the stove, it just never tastes as good as the korma from your local. Win over your guests with the power of Bollywood, and subtly disguised takeaway, and order the Deluxe Banquet from Punjabi Palace, with two starters, four curries, four naan and a salad, as well as rice, raita and chutney. Bang them all in some saucepans and tip some turmeric around the place – no one will ever know.

Ready-made Italian | Ristorante La Famiglia | Woolloongabba

If you know you’re the type of cook that burns cereal and have no hope in foodie hell to perfect your own Italian dish, rest easy thanks to Ristorante La Famiglia. You can pick up a porchetta, some pasta, maybe a lil gnocchi and, of course, a cannoli for your one and only. 

Masterchef who?

Words by Emma Callaghan and Nicole Portacha
- the gourmands who are the third best cooks in their two-person households (their cats win)