How to be a foodie | The Gourmand & Gourmet

How to be a foodie

Do you live to eat? Count eating as your favourite (and possibly only) hobby? Spend more time taking pictures of food than eating it?  You’re well on you’re way to being a foodie then, but there’s a few more steps to get you the rest of the way. #1. Train all your friends and family (and even random coworkers) never to touch their food until you have captured the perfect picture of it (front, back and flat lay of course). ‘Oh you got a burger for lunch today? Just lemme take a picture.’ #2. Have an Instagram account that you upload photos of all your meals with hashtags like #getinmybelly, #soyum and #mydinnerisbetterthanyours. It should have a name that involves some kind of play on food terms like @dinewillbedone or @sallyeatsherwaythroughtheworldandinstagramsit. See an example here. #3. Spend all your money on wining and dining. You might never get a haircut or a manicure again, but damn if you aren’t well fed. #4. Start every conversation with ‘did you hear about that new café/restaurant/bar/food truck/guy selling half-eaten sandwiches that just opened?’ You’ll need to have your finger on the plate for this one – we suggest immediately following the G&G on Facebook and spending every spare moment of every day reading up on food news and stalking Twitter feeds. #5. When asked for a recommendation on a restaurant, you should be able to immediately rattle off 10-15 possibilities. And probably their menus too, just for good measure. Your goal: to be the human version of Urbanspoon, minus the nasty ratings. #6. News of a new menu must excite you more than the thought of meeting One Direction, and your idea of gossip won’t be Beyonce’s latest baby bump but rumours of a new brekky dish at your fave café. #7. Whenever your office internet goes down, it’s panic time. You may need to resort to old-fashioned text messages to get the news about what your having for lunch out to the world and make your friends describe their ramen with frozen veggies to you in detail. #8.  Never, EVER eat in a fast food restaurant. In fact, if someone even suggests one to you for a meal, give them your best ‘you are dead to me’ look and immediately unfriend them on Facebook. Clearly they do not have the standards of eating you require in a dining partner. #9. Expand your vocabulary. ‘Delicious’ is how the commoners describe their food, you need to do better. Gustatory, succulent, mellow and nectarous should all come to the tip of your tongue in an instant. #10. Last but not least – you should probably join a gym. Those donuts aren’t going burn themselves off. Words by Ranyhyn Akui