How to adult: hangover cures, tried and tested
22 Mar 2017
Hangovers. Show. No. Mercy. A gentle and nauseating reminder that shots of Jack Daniels swept down our gut amidst a tide of beer, wine, and onion rings may be suboptimal to our health (incase you missed the memo – we certainly did). While we can’t legally prescribe or encourage you to drown your sorrows in over the counter concoctions, we’ve done the hard yards and spent our weekend mornings in world-crushing discomfort all for the sake of trialing a bunch of the most popular hangover cures (talk about taking one for the team). So whether you’re backing it up for work the next day, or need to get through Sunday family lunch without laying face-down on Aunt Julie’s lawn, here’s a list of questionable solutions to your suffering. God speed.
Nuggets. Lots of nuggets.While our editor would usually slap us down for promoting the particular fast food conglomerate we all know we’re referring to here, she too has been hung over, and therefore granted us a post-alcohol-consumption hall pass to smash and promote all the deep fried chicken we’d like (win). Grab yourself a 20 pack and try your darndest not to cry into the empty box when you’re done.
Coca ColaIt’s all about location, location, location. While a brekky date with your acai-crazed friends mightn’t be the best place to crack a coke bottle and infest your system with sugary sugary goodness (can you say judgment with a capital J?), on the floor of your boyfriend’s shower, mid-existential crisis is the perfect time. (Context people, context.) What we will say, though, is that the bubbles caused more harm than good here and what once was an existential crisis turned into more of an effervescent one. Annnnd back to the shower floor.
Sleeping through the hurtThere’s nothing 15 hours of sleep can’t fix, you know? Side effects: you lose a day, but just think of it as jetlag and call it your personal flight map to hangover-free-wonderland. (Also note: this solution is not feasible when you have work the next day, and when you have to call your boss at 3pm explaining where you are, we don’t want to hear our name uttered, you hear?)
Berocca and an Alka-SeltzerSure, it’s going to level out your gut-wrenching acidity and stop that stomach churning you’re enjoying oh so much, but is it going to cure the banging headache, feelings of dread and regret or bring your dignity back? No… no it’s not.
A Green AppleLies. Lies and slander. This is like your mum telling you sultanas are lollies when you’re little, so unless you’re cutting that bad boy in half and rubbing the cold, soothing side across your face until the tears have absorbed, don’t bother.
SobrietyHello from the other side.
ElectrolytesInstead of getting plonked and part taking in Puke-fest ’17 in your apartment (it’s a rental, think about it), stock your fridge and freezer with all the electrolyte goodness you can get your post-drinking, tremor-laden hands on and get ready to depart dehydration station. We’ve all abused a gastrolyte icy-pole in our day, and there’s no shame in downing a red sports drink after a competitive round of popping, locking, and reliving your youth to 90s hits. (Note: there IS shame in bringing it back up though, so watch yourself.)
Hair of the DogAh, the great hangover delay. Don’t be fooled, hair of the dog’ll make you feel just dandy for a little while, but come on stronger than your drunken dance game the next day. Which is okay if you’re commitment free, unemployed or love feeling hangover AF for two whole days, but some of us have jobs, children and responsibilities to deal with. But hey! You do you. (No, you’re totally right, someone hand us a Bloody Mary.) We asked around the G&G office and turns out that we’re riddled with awfully specific hangover curing combinations that ONLY work when taken exactly as prescribed (it’s science people, get around it). Hope there’s an end to this hell as follows:
- Grainwaves, peach iced tea, and a MASSIVE bowl of ravioli (size true to scale)
- A pub parmy and a beer
- Four dim sims and a hamburger with the lot (you heard it here first)
- Two hash browns and a post-mix lemonade
- A bag of frozen peas (eat, hold against forehead, cry into, etc.)
- Mashed potato, peas and melted cheese (the peas are really in the lead here)
- Gin & tonic with a side of “has the sun always been this bright?”
- Mac and cheese, on a cheese burger (cheese on cheese on cheese)