BREAKING NEWS: Seniors strike mayhem in Brisbane streets
Hey, Brisbane. Yeah, you with the negroni addiction. If you’re anything like us (and please, we like to use words like ‘fun’ in place of ‘wine dependent’), you’ve probably figured out things in the city have changed since July 1.
Like, ‘sit down and cry over your missing martini’ changed. Overnight, Brisbane’s licensed venues have hauled in mandatory ID scanning after 10pm – and you probably didn’t hear a peep ‘til the bouncer peeled you outta line without a wine in sight.
For anyone young enough to utter the words ‘Blockbuster who?’, an ID check probably isn’t out of the ordinary – but here’s what the government didn’t count on:
An influx of Brisbane nanas are still rioting after bar staff denied them entry post 10pm.
Grandchildren across Brisbane have been left confused and unsupervised as the elderly form anti-ID movements. Meanwhile, illegal downloads of Gone with the Wind have overtaken Game of Thrones as grandparents turn to piracy for comfort.
Three men named Barry were taken into custody after police found them attempting to purchase fake IDs from a confused food truck vendor.
Priests across Brisbane remain baffled after a number of christening events were shut down due to ID-lacking grandparents. No word yet from the disgruntled infants.
Nursing home workers are being forced to introduce curfews after six separate raves took place overnight. Nine pairs of false teeth remain at large.
Witnesses observed an 85-year-old wield his walking frame as a weapon when a bouncer denied him entry. The bouncer was left unharmed (and a little bewildered). The walking frame did not survive.
Funny pensioner jokes aside, these ID scans have been the source of some legitimate issues. Click here to read more.