Are you a foodie?
09 Sep 2014
Do you sometimes look at your Instagram account and wonder if you’ve ever posted a picture of yourself to it. Wait, when was the last time you did anything that didn’t at least tangentially relate to food? Are you becoming a foodie, or are you already a full-blown favourite-restaurant-on-speed-dial hook-the-specials-to-my-veins addict? Read closely, because the next five tell tale signs may be either a revelation or an affirmation of your dedicated status. Here are five tell tale signs you should set up an Instagram account and call it a day – Posting every meal to social media Do you treat your Instagram like the eyes your friends need to witness your every meal? Are you preparing your camera to upload all three courses like your phone were the respirator and social media were the oxygen tank you so desperately needed to keep breathing? We all like to show off our lives, but if you’ve said yes to this you might be one step closer to diagnosing positive for a foodie. Wondering why you have no money Is your bank app your best friend? Are you constantly transferring between accounts, wondering where this week’s pay went, as you casually explain to the waiter that you just have to transfer some money – “it happens all the time,” you remark flippantly, as he smiles back with a look of concern in his face. Do you try and follow up on your bank transactions, wondering if you were overcharged, then remember that you’ve been out to eat every other night this week. It’s about this point that you think of Myer points and flyer miles and realise there should be a frequent-eater system set up in place. This will all be carefully laid out and conceptualised after you emerge from your food coma, of course. Justifying going out for dinner You decide you want to go out, but your roommate says you already went out on Sunday and it’s currently only Monday. “Sunday was technically last week,” you retort wittily, knowing that this is all the technicality either of you need to justify a food expedition. Does this happen to you? Or do you find yourself claiming there is a meal on the menu that you have to try before the chef takes it off, something he definitely told you was happening, or, like, maybe. Having intricate knowledge of a restaurant’s previous menu Have you ever corrected a waiter on the menu, or, even more telling, previous menu? Much to your chagrin, your company stares at you as the waiter gazes off reflectively into space, a look of agreement dawning on her face. “I think you’re right,” she realises – all this wouldn’t be so bad, if you hadn’t told your friends you’d only been here once before. This might be the tipping point, if this is happening to you, you are definitely in full junk – foodie territory. Playing it down like a bad habit This one is the decider. If you’ve tested positive for all the other signs, but are still uncertain about your status as a foodie. Ask yourself this question: Have you ever played down your food escapades because you were concerned it may seem like you were spending too much on going out? You have two choices here, you can either call a good friend, give them your wallet and have them lock you in until you sweat out the habit, or accept your status as a hedonist and live the tasty life of luxury. If you tested positive for two or more of these signs, there’s a good chance you are a foodie. All that is left to do now is change your Instagram account name to something relevant, say goodbye to the possibility of savings, and fashion a Monday through Sunday cooking board that serves as each meal’s restaurant equivalent. Bon appetite! Words by Jacob Withers