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The G&G Guide: Where to go after a breakup
Breakups are the pits. One minute you’re holding hands, nek minute you’re holding a stack of dank tissues just a little too tightly as you scream LOVE IS DEAD at everything that walks past. Well you’re in a safe place now – a painful, but safe place.
We’re not going to lie to you, we’re not going to lead you on; we’re simply going to lead you down a (relatively) healthy path for dealing with your breakup woes. You know that big gaping hole in your heart? Turns out you can fill it with distractions.
From bites to brews to dirty tunes, we’ve complied a list of what to do when you’re on the bitter end of a breakup (beside watching reruns of Rick and Morty and dreaming of a dimension where your ex doesn’t exist).
IF YOU’RE FORCED TO GO OUTSIDE GO HERE
Regatta | Toowong
You’re going to dress up and you’re going to look 11/10. Head straight to the cocktail bar and grab a pina colada, because no one can see your tears when you get caught in the rain. Side note: You might not be able to sink any lower right now, but you can definitely sink into the Regatta’s underground bar, the Walrus Club (complete with dark nooks for rebound hookups).
Netherworld | Fortitude Valley
Sit yourself in front of an arcade game and eat your way through mac and cheese, savoury pancakes and sweet potato waffles. Which man won’t let you down? Batman.
Fridays | Eagle Street Pier
Because it’s always Friyay at Fridays. The dance floor is hella tight so you’ll get all the physical attention you crave by ‘accident.’
Woolly Mammoth | Fortitude Valley
Bangers. For. Days. Woolly is two levels of pure tunes and classic brews. Plus it’s dark enough so that no one can see you cry.
Retro’s | Fortitude Valley
There’s no school like old school beats to remind you of a better day. Remember those days when you were single and loving it? R. Kelly remembers – and he gon’ remind you tonight.
Holey Moley | Fortitude Valley
Hitting your ex’s balls – no (unfortunately). Hitting golf balls – yes. Whack those mofos down their course and avoid staring at cute couples at all costs (we both know they’re not going to last anyway).
Lefty’s Old Time Music Hall | Petrie Terrace
If someone’s just left you high and dry, you might not want to say the name too many times – but Lefty’s is a pretty great time. Live music, cute bartenders and satisfying sips is all you need. IT IS ALL YOU NEED. OKAY?
OR MAYBE DON’T GO OUTSIDE
Bless delivery apps. They certainly deliver the goods in time of need.
Gelato delivered to your house so that you’re not weeping profusely down the isles of your local supermarket? Clean up on isle me.
Pasta will make you heal fasta, right? Who knows. All we know is that carbs never leave you (literally, unless you force them to).
Because your Greek fam is all about smashing plates, and so are you right now. Get some yiros in ya and watch My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Homegirl didn’t get married for years, you’ve still got time.
Can we offer you a slice of happiness good sir? Drown your sorrows in a greasy fix.
These brothers will make you melt, but they ain’t here to leave you as soon as they do. Toasted sandwiches with mac and cheese or potato gems inside are enough to lift anyone’s spirit.